found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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