Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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