It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
