I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
