I faked an abortion last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
