I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
