Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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