At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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