Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
