My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
