I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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