Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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