I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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