so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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