So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
