i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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