Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
