So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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