he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
