In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
