I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
