I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
