I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
