you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
