Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
