My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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