i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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