dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Four minutes until I can fart!
no you cant smoke seaweed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
