I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You can't just leave with hair like that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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