I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
