TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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