So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He passed out mid-signature
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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