Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
