Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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