he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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