everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
