we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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