he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
