I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
