I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
