there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
