I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
