Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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