Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
