I faked an abortion last night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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