Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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