I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
