3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
