i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
