guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
