Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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