I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
